Thursday, March 10, 2022

Birth and Death Days

This week has been a crazy week and so I didn't have time to really spend time commemorating my son.  He turned 16 years old this past weekend.  I had decided to let him celebrate it the way that he wanted to.  What he opted for was going to his best friend's house and having a sleep over and then there was a wonderfully freezing night of glow in the dark... tag?  I'm not sure what it was because I was in a frozen coma.  Well, as cold as Arizona can get in March.  

This was not what I would have wanted.  I would have wanted to do something with him the night before his birthday.  He likes bowling so I would have wanted to hang out with him and his friends while going to the bowling alley.  I would have liked to make him a big cake with a lot of candles.  That didn't happen either.  He wanted cupcakes that we ended up buying from the store and the candles that he did blow out were not with me.  They were with his friends at Youth Group.  I'm so very glad that my son has such wonderful great friends to celebrate but I was no where in sight.  I would have liked for him to wake up at home and make him a big breakfast followed by a day trip with an awesome hike somewhere near or far.  Instead when I woke up, I texted him at his friends house and in the evening I picked him up.  

Sunday the exhaustion set in.  I woke up but couldn't really get up.  In my home I had my son, my daughter and my son's friend.  I didn't really think about the death day at all.  My late husband passed away the day after my son's 12 birthday 4 years ago.  My son once told me that he would never forget that the day after his birthday is his father's death day.  There is nothing that I can do to change that.  

On his birthday 4 years ago, I came home from work with a small cake for David and some decorations.  Santi had not been feeling well and honestly, I was starting to get worried.  As soon as I came home and saw him, I knew that Santi was not feeling well.  You could see it in his eyes.  I begged him to come with me to the urgent care.  He was always so stubborn.  He told me that he wouldn't go on his son's birthday.  I cried.  I practically begged him.  Instead, we compromised.  He told me that I could take him first thing in the morning.  I texted my boss that night and I let everyone who needed to know that I wasn't going to go to work the next day... the longest day of my life.

Four years ago I woke up and got my morning started.  Santi had taken to sleeping in the family room.  I got up and started getting the children ready for school.  I got dressed and went to the family room and I didn't see him.  I was just about ready to take the kids to the bus.  Janet was the one that found him.  He had fallen from his seat.  I had a feeling when I went to touch him but it was when I reached out to him that I knew for sure that I had to call 911.  I think that's about all I have in me to write about it.  It was enough thinking about it on this past Sunday.

Here is the up side.  We are thankful and we praise God.  My family and I know that Santi is home.  We didn't talk about him on the Death day but there are moments when we remember.  I pulled out my phone and looked at pictures of his smiling face and I remembered.  He left me two of the best pieces of him that I can imagine, my son and my daughter.  I am blessed beyond all measure.  Praise God!!!

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