I can not seem to keep up with the changes in my life. Life is chugging by faster than I thought. It is in these fast messy moments that I need to remember to slow down and give thanks to God. I realize as you read that I am one of those people. "What's wrong with her?" You may even ask. You should know that I'm not a great Christian. I am not even that good of a Christian. Here is why I follow Jesus:
I was lost. I was born kind of lost. It took a long time but I realized that I didn't have a lot going for me. I'm thankful for this because my story would be different if I did have something going for me. I mean... I can sing a little and believe me that I tried to parlay the little voice I had into something. I prayed for it day and night. One day, before I was really awake, I felt myself praying to God to allow me to become a famous singer. I heard in that half-dream way, "I never meant that for you." Oh! This was my response after I had a demo and was going on auditions. Oh. Okay. Then I had to set out to find another way in this life for myself. God had teaching in mind.
I was pregnant and living in New York with my late husband at the time. It was after 9/11. I needed a job. My friend, Haja recommended something I had been thinking about, The New York City Teaching Fellows Program. I had been running away from teaching since my college years. I was like running away from Nineveh to end up in a whale like Jonah. But... I was the whale, because I was pregnant. It was through this program that allowed me to provide for my family through teaching. It has been hard but fun and rewarding. I'm looking for something else to do.
Here is the thing. The more you look at yourself and find yourself lacking, the more you realize how much you would like to be rescued. Not by a Prince Charming, to come and rescue to place you in an ivory tower. Or... rescue you from an Ivory Tower. Uhm... you get what I mean. A rescuer to give your life purpose and set you on a path where there are challenges and hard things but never to be alone and develop things like faith, hope and love in the process. I am lacking and glad to be so. This is how Jesus found me and this is where I have gotten to know Him. Praise God.
And I am happy to say that I still don't have it all together. I still am in need to be rescued by a Savior. How thankful am I that I have one! And not to say that I haven't had a little pain in my life. I mean, there are moments when loss hits so hard that it is like someone physically hitting me. It hasn't been exactly easy but I am still thankful to God for being with me and allowing me to bring my every thought to Him. Prayer is such a powerful thing.
So Friends, I hope that when you find yourself lacking and needing a rescuer, you will consider mine. His burden is light. Praise the Lord!
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