I am not what one would call fancy. I mean... I like fancy things. I'm not going to lie but... it has taken me a long time to find what really merits investing and what doesn't. In fact, I can remember when I first started wearing lipstick, I would buy it for a dollar at the Korean store on White Plains Road in the Bronx. This is also the place where I would buy my royal blue eyeliner and hoop earrings, also for a dollar. I thought I was so fancy with that lipstick. One day, a friend lent me her L'Oreal lipstick. It was super fancy. It smelled fancy to me. It was $7.00 for just one tube!!! I could buy 7 lipsticks from the Korean store. One day it dawned on me, quality over quantity. I don't know how but I got my father to buy me the L'Oreal. I felt so fancy. In fact, I liked the way I felt. I felt different. I felt better somehow.
I admit that I have had a mild shopping addiction. I guess you could say that it started with that store. There were plenty of things to buy other than rubber black and multi colored bracelets. There were lace gloves and bandanas. I didn't really get an allowance but somehow, I managed to have money. My dad thought it would be a good idea to have money to be around. I would try and save as much of it as possible and then use it to shop. I remember one day waking up and thinking, "Do I need all of this stuff?" I found that I didn't and I kind of stopped.
College reopened the need to shop and now, someone saw fit to give me a credit card and I was working. I can tell you that I was one of the ones who fell into the spending trap. I mean, a girl has to look nice, right? I'm thankful that I had my father to bail me out of my spending mishaps. It wasn't anything like shopaholic but I recognize that I had learned some unhealthy habits.
This is much longer than I think it should be. Let's fast forward to my adult life. I fell into the shopping habit again. This time, I found something that is not true in New York. You see, I loathe thriftshops in New York and I'm naturally cheap. I love bargain hunting. I think there was one Goodwill that I went to once and got a cardigan. There was something about wearing second hand clothes that bothered me.
Here, in Arizona, there are thrift stores everywhere and everything is a deal. I mean, you can really get yourself in trouble shopping out here. It's easy to pick up clothes and then just throw in the washer. Voila, you have a whole new outfit and no one is the wiser. It wasn't limited it to just clothes. I would buy purses, books; anything that looked useful. I accumulated so much junk. I felt bad and I would go out and shop. I should have brought my issues to God and let Him handle the psychological stuff.
I mean, I would go and buy something for a dollar like socks, just because I can. I have a lot of socks. I have a lot of everything. And for no reason. I'm downsizing; in my life and in my house. I have struggled with what to have and what not to have. I have needed validation because I know that I am lacking in so many things. I am not thin. I am not that pretty and every day I look in the mirror, I know that I am getting older. I'm not that smart. I can sing but I'm not the best singer. I mean, I think I have nice nails. That's about it!!!
Everything else about me that is good is God and because of God. I mean, I didn't even make my nails so all of it is God, really!
They preached on Sunday about boasting in God and I have a lot of boasting to do. God has done a lot for me. So, I am thankful. I'm working on bringing everything to Him. Praise the Lord!
Be on the look out for part 2 of this post.