I was communicating with a friend of mine and I was telling them that this transitional portion of my life feels like falling down the rabbit's hole much like Alice in her Adventures in Wonderland. I am working (or procrastinating) on my last degree. I have a temporary job that I have the ability to enjoy when I remember that God is good and He has good plans for me. My husband also reminds me to be thankful for the providence of a job that is working for me. God reminds me that He is with me and that I am not alone. God is good to me.
Much like Alice, it has been scary when you find yourself falling in an unknown place with strange unaccustomed things on the shelves before you. You don't really know where you are going to land and there is fear in this uncertainty. Of course, there is also fear of the pain of falling and of (maybe) failing. But when Alice was falling down that hole, she got tired of falling. It took a very long time to go down that hole. And when the fall occurred, it came unexpectantly. It has gotten me thinking of what my Wonderlands would look like.
I am not finding a niche for myself. Where could a colorful, somewhat academic, extroverted introvert go to find purpose and a raison d'etre for herself with the rest of this life God has given her? Je ne sais pas. So... I'm praying. I don't want to just exist or survive. I want the promises that God has given me. In John 10, Jesus is talking to His crew. He says, "Most assuredly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:7b-10
I am falling down this hole, waiting to hear the voice of the Shepherd, the Good Shepherd who wants to give me life and life more abundantly. I have had enough of the thief with his stealing, killing and destroying. I think you can agree with me on that. It is scary. It is hard. Applying to jobs and not getting in? It is hard. Making plans and having them fall through? It is hard. Changing your life? Starting again? It is hard. I ask God, "What do you want me to do with all of these hard things?" And here I am writing a blog. Here I am talking about it. Here I am telling you that this life is hard and crazy and really scary but here I am, trusting in God and waiting to see where He leads me. Trusting in God is hard but sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do in life. It's not about me. It's about God and His glory. May I be worthy of the task.
Be praying with me, Friends. Be praying that I follow the voice of the Shepherd and not my own. Pray that I can be Biblically salty and be salt and light to this world that needs flavor and light in dark places. My sweet husband will tell you that if I'm a flavor, it would be Spicy Nacho. Nachos (Not yours) but his spicy nacho chip (I'm cracking up. You know how I do!!!) If even silly sheep could listen to their Shepherd, I pray that I could listen to mine. Praise the Lord!!!