I am caught up in a current. I'm realizing a few things about my life. I'm a mess. For a minute before I wrote that statement, I was slightly overwhelmed. I have Lauren Daigle on. It seems like she is singing right to me, personally. It's almost like she is the voice of God reassuring me. Can God play Marco Polo?
I bit off a lot this year. I know I did. I was led to believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I tried not to make decisions based on fear. Kicking and screaming with tears pouring down my face, I am learning to trust in God. I am learning to trust in God with anger and curse words (I can have quite the potty mouth). I am learning to trust God through the times when I don't think I can navigate the rocky terrain. I am trusting God through the old dusty floors of my house that haven't seen a mop in at least a week. I'm an angry messy Christian. Surely, God wouldn't want one of me, right?
I can't do anything right. Not on my own, I can't. Instead of Murphy's Law, I like to call it Miller's Law. I am a needy individual. I need... everything. I'm definitely not enough. I turn to God. "God, I don't think I am enough!!!" God tells me, "You don't need to be. I am." Isn't that His name? "I am." He tells me. "God, I am not strong. I am not wealthy. I am not good. I am not so many things." "I am." Alleluia is literally Praise Yahweh or Praise I AM. It's His name. When we are not, He is.
So, for this reason, I have to pray. For this reason, I am thankful today. For this reason and for this season, I am looking up to God to be Who He is. I am reading and believing in his Word. I am in a transition. I am making a jump. I suspect that there is an enemy who wants nothing more than for me to fail, for me to fall. I want to start crying and make myself into a ball and cry. "I can't!" He says, "I can." So I stand. I look at all the things I am afraid of: failure, abandonment, criticism, success, judgment, and more than I can write. Romans 14:8 says, "If we live, we live for the LORD; and if we die, we die for the LORD. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord." With this in mind, I will jump. Praise the Lord!!!
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