Tuesday, May 25, 2021

He is

 I am caught up in a current.  I'm realizing a few things about my life.  I'm a mess.  For a minute before I wrote that statement, I was slightly overwhelmed.  I have Lauren Daigle on.  It seems like she is singing right to me, personally.  It's almost like she is the voice of God reassuring me.  Can God play Marco Polo?  

I bit off a lot this year.  I know I did.  I was led to believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I tried not to make decisions based on fear.  Kicking and screaming with tears pouring down my face, I am learning to trust in God.   I am learning to trust in God with anger and curse words (I can have quite the potty mouth).  I am learning to trust God through the times when I don't think I can navigate the rocky terrain.  I am trusting God through the old dusty floors of my house that haven't seen a mop in at least a week.  I'm an angry messy Christian.  Surely, God wouldn't want one of me, right?  

I can't do anything right.  Not on my own, I can't.  Instead of Murphy's Law, I like to call it Miller's Law.  I am a needy individual.  I need... everything.  I'm definitely not enough.  I turn to God.  "God, I don't think I am enough!!!"  God tells me, "You don't need to be.  I am."  Isn't that His name?  "I am."  He tells me.  "God, I am not strong.  I am not wealthy. I am not good.  I am not so many things."  "I am."   Alleluia is literally Praise Yahweh or Praise I AM.  It's His name.  When we are not, He is. 

So, for this reason, I have to pray.  For this reason, I am thankful today.  For this reason and for this season, I am looking up to God to be Who He is.  I am reading and believing in his Word.  I am in a transition.  I am making a jump.  I suspect that there is an enemy who wants nothing more than for me to fail, for me to fall.  I want to start crying and make myself into a ball and cry.  "I can't!" He says, "I can."  So I stand.  I look at all the things I am afraid of: failure, abandonment, criticism, success, judgment, and more than I can write.  Romans 14:8 says, "If we live, we live for the LORD; and if we die, we die for the LORD.  So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."  With this in mind, I will jump.  Praise the Lord!!! 

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