Monday, July 18, 2022

Hedging Bets

 From what I understand, hedging a bet is betting on two sides at once to guarantee some sort of win.  From a religious standpoint, it is a big no no as the children of Israel had not problems doing this with God and with the idols they have been punished for.  It's like those people who wear a cross and carry a lucky rabbit's foot around.  

Well... in a sense, I have been hedging my bets when it comes to my life.  I feel like these days, I'm in a Sliding Doors situation where if I go one way, I'll have one kind of life and if I go another way, I will have another kind of life.  So, the only thing to do is to pray about it all.  I'm so distracted, even my prayers have been disjointed and unorganized.  As I look around my home, there is detritus of my indecision everywhere.  I'm living two halves of a life and it shows.  

At night as I lay in bed, I thank God.  "Thank you, Lord Jesus for this day that you have given me."  I do this because I have no idea what my next day will be.  Even now, today, I had banked on having time off before I start school and now I have been told that I have trainings.  Already my days are filled.  Did I do everything that I wanted to do prior to starting school?  No!  It is a resounding no!

So, I am trying to lean, not on myself, not on what I think I know or on any other subsequent idol like technology.  I am fervently trying to lean on God.  I understand that this is a messy time in my life.  I am all discombobulated vehemently.  I don't have an idea of what to do next year but I know that God knows and that just has to be enough for me.  This is the hard part, right?  This is the part that has me relooking at dates and times to make sure that I am enough to remember.  When do the kids have what meeting?  What appointments have I lined up?  I mean, it wouldn't hurt to get an app to help but ultimately, I am leaning on God to guide me.  Praise the Lord!  

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