I have been tired. There really is no explanation for it. I am behind on work and I'm tired, too tired to catch up. Have you been there? I have to plug in for a while and find my energy. There is too much to do and little time to do it all, to see it all. I'm so busy living my life that I'm tired and I need some more energy for what is next on the horizon.
So... I hear you asking, "What's next on the horizon?" I don't know. I'm living life without GPS but I have G-O-D leading my way so, I'm trusting the One who can see more than what I can from where He is. There are days when this is really hard. There are days when I know that I can do this. I need a lot of reminders. I need to hear it all the time. This is why I find myself turning to the Word of God to center me.
And then, I lost a friend. I consider her a fan of my writing. She encouraged me in my blog posts and I considered her one of my best fans. I had to edit the previous sentence and make it past tense. I loved her and her beloved husband. They are home now but I can't believe that they are gone and it hurts because I miss her.
She was a behind the scenes kind of lady. She had an attitude of servitude. I can always rely on her to make the coffee. She knew where to find everything in the kitchen. I found out a few years ago that she had a wonderful alto voice. She would never admit to it. She was always so kind and so easy to talk to. Her and her husband were... Gentle, in name and in spirit. I hope I am not stepping out of bounds to write this.
I still miss my dog. I didn't even know that I liked him that much. Someone gave me a puppy to hold and I wanted to walk out the door with someone else's dog. Tomorrow we would have celebrated his birthday. He would have been 10 years old. He was so young. I expected him to be the last to go and I miss him so much it hurts.
What do I do with all of the exhaustion and grief? What do I do? I turn to God. I know that He is with me. I am comforted somehow. I know that this will pass. I lean on the promise that He is with me. I pray that He allows the next transition to be good and that He will not let me fail. I feel like I should be doing more somehhow. I am hard on myself because I am not enough, a hard fact to admit, but God is enough. He completes what I lack and I become more. This is what I am learning from Him. So I wait. I pray. I mourn. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Praise God! I allow myself to receive comfort I don't deserve and I didn't earn. This is the grace of God. Praise the Lord!