Chrysalis

 As I sit here in my living room with my daughter, I am evaluating everything about me and my world.  Reflection is an important part of checking in with yourself.  If you were to see me on the street and ask me how I am doing, I would have to tell you that I, my Friend, am changing.  I am influx, there is no if and or but about it.  I want to finish my degree and do something with my life but I have no idea what.  I am waiting on God and waiting to see what will happen in my life.  So far, things are good.  I am not who I was five years ago.  Praise the Lord!  I am amazed at God's goodness in my life.  

I have found that working on education has led me to become slightly jaded about the institution of instructing children.  I mean, I suspect that there are people within the powers that be, that rely on the sensitivity and compassion of teachers to not pay them what they are worth in dealing with children.  Teaching is tough!  I truly think that teachers should be compensated for their time and efforts, especially since they spend countless time, money and effort above what they earn. 

I know what you are thinking.  Educators in the US only work 190 days a year.  But I think that teachers are "on" for far longer of their day and after a full day of being "on" they have to prepare for the next day of being "on."  At the end of the day, the only energy we have left is to turn on the television and veg.  What is left for our famillies and our own children?  Just thinking about it all leaves me tired.  

So... I have decisions ahead of me.  I mean, what do I want?  If I knew this, I will probably not have the need to write so much to process all of my internal thoughts.  I will tell you sincerely what I want.  I want my children to love God and follow His ways.  I want their prayers to be like my prayers when their children are born.  I want to leave a legacy of Jesus.  What does it matter what I do with my life?  I mean, can I really add any value?  Is a word enough?  Are there words that are strong enough to change the world?  Maybe this is what needs to happen in a chrysalis?  No matter what, I am not who I was prior to this transformation.  I am making a decision.  I will try really hard and trust in God.  I will trust Him in my dark spaces as I wait.  It's nerve wracking but there is a method to the madness.  I will praise God in the storm and laugh while I do it... maybe.  LOL!!!  See!  I'm already practicing.  I am going to leave this here and say, "Praise the Lord!"  I will keep you posted.