Monday, October 25, 2021

Shedding Layers

 I know that I shouldn't be blogging but there has just been so much going on recently.  I am working on completing things.  I am happy to report that things are falling into place.  And as they are changing, I realize that inevitably, I must change as well.

What did I want to do in this life?  I am finding as I round the corner to a milestone birthday that dreams should be lived.  You should definitely take chances in this short life.  I think of that line in Isaiah about old man dreaming dreams.  I am like one of these old men.  I am dreaming dreams.

I know that these posts can be vague.  Honestly, I would love to spill everything right here in black and white.  I honestly don't have the energy to write about it all.  God is good to me.  I really and truly can not believe the way that He has provided for me and for my family.  To God be all glory!!!

I owe a debt of gratitude to my friends who are more like family and who work in realty.  These angels know who they are.  I am not sure that I am at a place to shout them out but a shout out they deserve.  But I will save acknowledgements for another day.

I left a good job that I was adequate at and that I was at for 10 years to become a contracted worker.  I am a essentially a temporary teacher working for a district.  I don't know how I feel about this job.  It kind of fell in my lap and I went with it because at there time there was nothing else I was prepared to do.  I get asked why I left.  I guess you could say that I felt that I couldn't do the work there any more.  It was time to move on.  

But just because I'm a temp worker doesn't really mean that I am treated as a temp.  I try to explain to one of the people there that I am not doing more than what I am being paid for and she seems to think that I should.  Hmmm....  It makes me thankful that I am temporary.  Here's a note of advice: "Don't push someone who doesn't need to be there."  I don't know who needed to hear that but there it goes.  

I will tell you that I stand outside and I listen to the song of the trees as the winds blow through them.  I continue to step on super crunchy leaves, excited to hear their crunch under my sneakers.  In the morning I like to tell everyone, "Good morning."  Every now and again I am matched in my enthusiam.  I am glad when the rich, green grass gets cut.  I can usually do my steps in a day.  I can tell you that what I feel the most is gratitude.

I am moving.  I have flashbacks of living my life in this old house with my late husband.  I find that I miss him.  If I am still enough, I can almost hear him.  As I go through things, I find his memories there.  I look at the pictures with his smiling round face.  I think he was happy sometimes.  I hope he was happy sometimes.  I know he is happier now.  This makes me the happiest.  

There is no guilt.  There is no confusion.  I loved someone.  In fact, there is not anything wrong with saying that I still love him.  He is not here though.  He has moved on and I had to move on too.  My new husband is not the same.  I am not the same kind of wife.  It is different.  This is a different time in my life.  I think my family is progressing because of Christ, not because of me.  If I have anything to do with it, I would say it is because I love Christ.  

As I prepare to move, I am shedding layers.  I am streamlining my property.  Somehow, I am changing.  My prayer is to change in a way that glorifies Christ.  Let's see what happens.  

In the meantime, say a prayer for my family and the transition and take a moment to just thank God if you are so inclined.  Praise the Lord!

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