I know that I shouldn't be blogging but there has just been so much going on recently. I am working on completing things. I am happy to report that things are falling into place. And as they are changing, I realize that inevitably, I must change as well.
What did I want to do in this life? I am finding as I round the corner to a milestone birthday that dreams should be lived. You should definitely take chances in this short life. I think of that line in Isaiah about old man dreaming dreams. I am like one of these old men. I am dreaming dreams.
I know that these posts can be vague. Honestly, I would love to spill everything right here in black and white. I honestly don't have the energy to write about it all. God is good to me. I really and truly can not believe the way that He has provided for me and for my family. To God be all glory!!!
I owe a debt of gratitude to my friends who are more like family and who work in realty. These angels know who they are. I am not sure that I am at a place to shout them out but a shout out they deserve. But I will save acknowledgements for another day.
I left a good job that I was adequate at and that I was at for 10 years to become a contracted worker. I am a essentially a temporary teacher working for a district. I don't know how I feel about this job. It kind of fell in my lap and I went with it because at there time there was nothing else I was prepared to do. I get asked why I left. I guess you could say that I felt that I couldn't do the work there any more. It was time to move on.
But just because I'm a temp worker doesn't really mean that I am treated as a temp. I try to explain to one of the people there that I am not doing more than what I am being paid for and she seems to think that I should. Hmmm.... It makes me thankful that I am temporary. Here's a note of advice: "Don't push someone who doesn't need to be there." I don't know who needed to hear that but there it goes.
I will tell you that I stand outside and I listen to the song of the trees as the winds blow through them. I continue to step on super crunchy leaves, excited to hear their crunch under my sneakers. In the morning I like to tell everyone, "Good morning." Every now and again I am matched in my enthusiam. I am glad when the rich, green grass gets cut. I can usually do my steps in a day. I can tell you that what I feel the most is gratitude.
I am moving. I have flashbacks of living my life in this old house with my late husband. I find that I miss him. If I am still enough, I can almost hear him. As I go through things, I find his memories there. I look at the pictures with his smiling round face. I think he was happy sometimes. I hope he was happy sometimes. I know he is happier now. This makes me the happiest.
There is no guilt. There is no confusion. I loved someone. In fact, there is not anything wrong with saying that I still love him. He is not here though. He has moved on and I had to move on too. My new husband is not the same. I am not the same kind of wife. It is different. This is a different time in my life. I think my family is progressing because of Christ, not because of me. If I have anything to do with it, I would say it is because I love Christ.
As I prepare to move, I am shedding layers. I am streamlining my property. Somehow, I am changing. My prayer is to change in a way that glorifies Christ. Let's see what happens.
In the meantime, say a prayer for my family and the transition and take a moment to just thank God if you are so inclined. Praise the Lord!