Today was a very bad day. It was the kind of day that stays with you and makes you question what you are doing in life and if you are doing life right. Let me unpack it all for you. I am working on my last degree. I'm getting ready to finish it all. I left the job I was at in part because I wanted to have time for my family and this degree. I took a temporary job that was close to home. I did this so I could have less stress and more time. I have more time because I can only work 40 hours a week, no more. This works in my favor. What doesn't work in my favor is that there is a teacher shortage in Arizona with a very specific need of special education teachers.
Now, I like teaching well enough but let's face it. You need to have a little (or a lot) of something in order to teach specialized instruction. Whatever that is, I wonder if I have any more of it left after teaching for 16 years. I'm tired. You may even say that I'm burning out. What does a once teacher do when they burn out? Do you think I could become a character actress or a rockstar? I'm contemplating a life doing social media. I mean, I sort of have my brand... I don't know. I'm tired for sure.
Today was a bad day but it's not a bad life. I saw the house on a walk-through today and it's really nice and it makes me happy. Yesterday was the wedding anniversary of my first marriage and my mother's death day/ I don't even think I was in the frame of mind to post anything at all. It was a busy tiring day and I basked in it. At some point, I let myself remember and there was a wave of sadness, but that was all, a wave to remember them by.
These bad moments I pull out and bring to Jesus. These bad moments that tend to fester and bother, I like to pray about. Jesus has a way of protecting me, of protecting us. I am so sure of this. It is littered all over the Bible. I honestly think that we don't give God enough credit. He is an all powerful, all-knowing, all-present being. Our minds can not fathom the width and breadth of God. Why do we, why do I insist on putting Him in a box and limiting Him in my world? My humanity is stupid... stupid and sinful. I may need to pray for a little wisdom every once in a while. You see, only God can give wisdom and you need to ask for it. That may answer some of the questions you have about the world around you and why things are the way they are.
I'll even be bold enough to say my prayer right here. If you need this prayer, go ahead and take it:
Today I had a bad day. I'm not a fan of bad days but I know that You are with me when I have them. God I pray that you give me wisdom. I would like some wisdom to know your plan for me. I would like Your wisdom in order to make decisions. I would like wisdom to help with all the saltiness I tend to accumulate throughout my days. I love You, God. Help me to overcome this humanly struggles. Please forgive me.
That's all. God is good. Praise the Lord!