I had a conversation today with a woman who was slightly older than me. The topic of our conversation? Menopause. When did I become menopausal? I feel like just yesterday I was graduating from high school. I was hoping to fall in love. I wondered who I would marry. Yesterday, we celebrated my daughter's 17th birthday. 17 is a number that I look upon favorably. It's a number that pops up and I become happy. I don't want to call it my lucky number because the only year that I have lived through that had a 17 was the second worst year of my life. However, I want to feel optimistic now that my baby girl has made it to this incredible age.
This is her last year before she becomes an adult. It's times like these that I envy those who have five or six children. I have 364 days before I become the mother of adults. Why does this hurt so much? It makes me want to start a support group: Mothers of Adult Children. I look at my beautiful baby girl and I wonder how many moments I have left with her being a kid. I'm counting them out. I'm taking pictures. I am taking advice from my friend; Benito and I'm taking all of the pictures I can. I collect souvenirs to remind myself of how I had babies once. What did parents do before Facebook memories? Pictures pop up and make me remember and I am so thankful for all of it.
Not long ago, a friend of mine passed away. Her funeral is coming up mid-February. I am not so sure that I can go. I miss my friend dearly. I remember the conversations that we have had. Honestly, I can't believe that she is gone.
All of this is making me face the shortness of life. It goes by unbelievably fast. Ferris Bueller was right. If we don't stop and look around, we may miss it all. Are you spending more time being thankful or do you spend your time complaining? Are you allowing yourself to be someone who is loveable? We all want to be loved when we are at our worst. What if we don't allow ourselves to be our worst? What if we make ourselves be the people that people want to love? Not that we aren't already. Seeing my life through my daughter and my friend. I am thankful to God to have allowed me such a life. It has been scary and hard but He has been with me every second of every day. I have never felt alone. So my prayer is to live this life that God has given me. I want to make sure that the time I have left is in giving and living a big life. Whatever dreams I have left, I need to pray them. I need to try and when I die, when and not if, I will die trying to do the best that I can. As always, praise the Lord!
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